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Blog, Junrix Monter, Know Your Worth, LIFE, love, RELATIONSHIP -

Understanding Your Value and Finding Love : Know Your Worth

We’ve all been there — feeling victimized by a friend, a boss or a lover who has treated us poorly or unfairly. It’s an easy and common tendency to blame the other, make yourself out as the innocent one, while seeking out particular people who will reaffirm that pain body within that encourages a “woe is me” mentality. But if you start to look back and analyze a bit, you may realize that the there is one common denominator in each scenario and situation. That common denominator is you. You allow people to treat you the way they do. Your energy, confidence and attitude is the currency that others will transact with. I know many women who have settled for less, and simply “accepted” cards dealt because deep inside, they don’t believe they deserve more. I’m sure you know of someone who seems to have it all together in their life, but when it come to relationships, they just can’t seem to shake the habit of dating douche bags and douchettes. In my life, I’ve created my destiny within my career, friendships and community. With friends, I’ve really embraced the fact that friends are all unique pieces of a pie. Some will be lifetime friends that are next to family, some are social friends, some acquaintances. I’ve learned to appreciate the various types and unique forms of value each friend brings, and as well as a system of how much and what kind of energy I invest to whom. I am blessed with the best friends ever, but that inner circle is sacred and thoughtfully selective. However, in my relationships with people, I’ve witnessed myself apply a different system — if you can even call it a system. I’ve tolerated people who don’t appreciate me, who don’t value my heart, who take and take, who don’t call back, who have disrespected me — I’ve allowed people to not treat me what I’m worth. This is all a matter of self-esteem and my sense of self worth in the realm of being a person in a romantic relationship. I’ve made excuses, justified and eagerly re-entered the game of push and pull with people who clearly don’t really value me much at all. And you know what, it sucks and feels pretty crappy at the end — chipping away the low self-esteem that got me there in the first place even more. It took me 3 years of being hungry for love, even desperate for it at times, heart aches, heart tramples, picking up that phone when every cell in your body knows it’s the unhealthy thing to do, obsessing, infatuating, idealizing, you name it, for me to finally wake up and realize that my most important relationship is the one with myself. I’ve learned to embrace self love. And while I’ll always be a perpetual student in this journey, I’ve made the decision to apply my successful method in dealing with friendships and business to how I do my relationships. I’ve stopped apologizing for who I am and have learned that I am “perfect” the way I am, right now, right here. I will constantly be growing, evolving and working on bad habits, but those flaws, those imperfections are part of the beauty that makes me, me. I can now easily recognize people who are drawn to me only for the best of me, and as Marilyn Monroe best put it, “If you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.” If I could talk to my younger self — that man desperate for love and therefore often blinded by ideas, fabrications and untruths in order to try and capture it, I’d tell him: “JUNRIX , love will come to you, when you learn to love yourself, first and foremost”. I can’t go back in time to correct my mistakes, but I can today share what I’ve learned with younger people, some who may have a misconstrued idea that giving their all away carelessly can equal love. In the words of my wise friend “Be the gatekeeper.” Your heart is a precious gift. Your body is a temple. Be selective. Respect it and be respected. Love yourself and be loved. If you don’t respect and love yourself first, building a healthy relationship with another is like building a house with no foundation — eventually the cracks and lack of a strong base will eventually cause it to crumble. Know your value and don’t accept being treated in a way less than you deserve. Now, I don’t mean to start going out there with unrealistic expectations, demands and a sense of entitlement. I am saying that you deserve to be treated the way you treat others, and vice versa. The minute you negotiate your self worth and accept less, you say to the universe that you don’t deserve any better, and the vicious cycle/pattern begins. Change for yourself and of course, friends and partners are great mirror reflections that help you grow. But don’t change out of the wrong reasons to appease someone or in hopes that they will like you more. If they judge you for who you are now, they aren’t your fit. I’ll end off with a quote from “Sex and the City” that is an inspiring reminder: “But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, that’s just fabulous.”

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Blog, Junrix Monter, LIFE, love, RELATIONSHIP -

Tomorrow Is Not Promised

Sometimes people come into your life and you know right away that they were meant to be there, they serve some sort of purpose, teach you a lesson or help figure out who you are and who you want to become. You never know who these people may be: your neighbor, child, long lost friend, lover, or even a complete stranger who, when you lock eyes with them, you know at that very moment that they will affect your life in some profound way. And sometimes things happen to you and at the time they seem painful and unfair, but in reflection you realize that without overcoming those obstacles you would have never realized your potential strength, will power, or heart. Everything happens for a reason. Nothing happens by chance or by means of good or bad luck. Illness, injury, love, lost moments of true greatness and sheer stupidity all occur to test the limits of your soul. Without these small tests, whether they be events, illnesses or relationships, life would be like a smoothly paved straight flat road to nowhere, safe and comfortable, but dull and utterly pointless. The people you meet who affect your life and the successes and downfalls you experience create who you are, and even the bad experiences can be learned from, In fact, they are probably the poignant and important ones. If someone hurts you, betrays you or breaks your heart, forgive them, for they have helped you learn about trust and the importance of being cautious to whom you open your heart… If someone loves you, love them back unconditionally, not only because they love you, but because they are teaching you to love and opening your heart and eyes to things you would have never seen or felt without them. Make every day count, Appreciate every moment and take from it everything that you possibly can, for you may never be able to experience it again… Talk to people you have never talked to before, and actually listen, let yourself fall in love, break free and set your sights high… Hold your head up because you have every right too. Tell yourself you are a great individual and believe in yourself… for if you don’t believe in yourself, no one else will believe in you either. You can make of your life anything you wish. Create your own life and then go out and live in it! “Live Each Day As If It Were Your Last… Tomorrow is Not Promised”

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Things to Remember When You Feel Discouraged and Defeated

This morning I didn’t feel like doing anything.  It’s a combination of exhaustion from a few days of hard work, and a lack of sleep.
I couldn’t motivate myself to do anything important, which is a rare occurrence for me.  I just felt completely discouraged and defeated.  I started overthinking things and doubting myself, and wondering whether anything I do is worthwhile.
I sat there in this funk for nearly an hour and wondered how to get out of it.  Should I just forget about today?  Should I just give up on this project, because I’m not as good at it as I thought I was?
That’s what I was considering, at least for a little while.  But the better part of me knew this mild state of depression was temporary, and so I dug into my own intellectual toolbox for solutions – little tricks of the mind that can have a real effect on reality.
Here’s what works for me – seven things to keep in mind (and do) when you feel discouraged and defeated:

1.  You are not the center of the universe (stop making it all about YOU).

I think we all have the tendency to put ourselves at the center of the universe, and see everything from the viewpoint of how it affects us.  But this can have all kinds of adverse effects, from feeling sorry for ourselves when things aren’t going exactly as planned, to doubting ourselves when we aren’t perfect.
So this morning, instead of worrying so much about myself, I thought about other people I might help.  Finding little ways to help others gets me out of my self-centered thinking, and then I’m not wallowing in self-pity anymore – I’m starting to think about what others need.  I’m not doubting myself, because the question of whether I’m good enough or not is no longer the central question.  The central question now is about what others need.

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Blog, Breakups, Getting over, LIFE, love, moving on -

8 Secrets Of Getting Over A Hurtful Breakup

When you’re suffering through a painful breakup, it’s hard to imagine that you’ll ever find another partner–much less, want one! There’s a cliche that it takes one week to get over each month of a relationship, but who has that much time to dwell on the past? These tips will help you with getting over a hurtful breakup in a hurry

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Blog, Breakups, FRIENDSHIP, Life Problems, RELATIONSHIP -

10 Difficult Life Situations And How To Make The Best Out Of Them

“No matter what kind of challenges or difficulties or painful situations you go through in your life, we all have something deep within us that we can reach down and find the inner strength to get through them.” – Alana Stewart

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