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When I was younger I often felt inadequate and “not good enough” to be friends, lovers, or business partners with certain people. Sometimes I simply couldn’t understand what others saw in me. I was very insecure. I ended many promising relationships because of my insecurity. In my mind, it felt easier for me to end it before they did. Walking away rather than risking the heartbreak of rejection was how I justified my behavior to myself. But after awhile, as I grew emotionally, I began to realize that I wanted and needed the comfort and support of long-term relationships. So what did I do, and what can you do if insecurity is damaging your relationships? http://lap.lazada.com/banner/dynamic.php?banner_id=56ec119d51bce&theme=2&p=6 You need to understand that a good relationship is about sharing ideas and enjoyable moments with another, to help each other grow in healthy ways, both together socially and as individuals. If someone really does treat you poorly or lies and cheats you out of something, feeling insecure is a natural and reasonable response. However, if you’re actually in a generally good relationship with someone, then it’s time to… Stop trying to read minds. Most relationship problems and associated social anxieties start with bad communication, which in turn leads to attempted mind reading. Mind reading occurs when two people assume that they know what the other is thinking when they don’t. This process of wondering and trying to guess what someone is thinking is a rapid route to feelings of insecurity and stress. If someone says one thing, don’t assume they mean something else. If they say nothing at all, don’t assume their silence has some hidden, negative connotation. Likewise, don’t make the people in your life try to read your mind. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Give the people in your life the information they need, rather than expecting them to know the unknowable. It’s also important to remember that you aren’t suppose to know every little thing going on in the minds of others, even the people closest to you. When you stop trying to read their minds, you really begin to respect their right to privacy. Everyone deserves the right to think private thoughts. Constantly asking, “What are you thinking?” can provoke a person to withdraw from a relationship to find space. Stop looking for perfect relationships. You will end up spending your entire life hopelessly seeking the right lover and the right friends if you expect them to be perfect. Even worse, the process of doing so will drive you mad, as you feel more and more insecure with every failed relationship that doesn’t live up to your fantasy of perfection. We’re all seeking those special relationships that feel perfect for us, but if you’ve been through enough relationships, you begin to realize that there are no “perfect people” for you, just different flavors of imperfect ones. That’s because we are all imperfect in some way. You yourself are imperfect in many ways, and you seek out relationships with people who are imperfect in complementary ways. It takes a lot of life experience to grow fully into yourself and realize your own imperfections; and it isn’t until you finally run up against your deepest imperfections, your unsolvable flaws – the ones that truly define who you are – that you are able to proficiently select harmonious relationships. Only then do you finally know what you’re looking for. You’re looking for imperfect people who balance you out – the perfectly imperfect people for you. Stop judging current relationships based on past ones. Think about those times when you passed an unfair judgment on someone merely because they reminded you of someone from your past who treated you poorly. Sadly, some people pass judgments like these throughout the entire duration of their long-term relationships. Simply because they were once in a relationship with someone who was abusive, dishonest, or who left them, they respond defensively to everyone else who gets close to them, even though these new relationships have been nothing but kind and supportive. If you carry old bricks from the failed relationships of your past to your present relationships, you will build the same flawed structures that fell apart before. So if you suspect that you have been making unfair comparisons between your present relationships and a negative one from the past, take a moment and consciously reflect on the hurtful qualities of this old, negative relationship, and then think of all the ways your present relationships differ. This small exercise will help you let go of the old bricks and remind you that past pains are not indicative of present possibilities. Stop inventing problems that don’t exist. Inventing problems in our mind and then believing them is a clear path to self-sabotage. Too often we amuse ourselves with anxious predictions, deceive ourselves with negative thinking, and ultimately live in a state of hallucination about worst-case scenarios. We overlook everything but the plain, downright, simple, honest truth. When you invent problems in your relationships, your relationships ultimately suffer. Insecurity is often the culprit. If you doubt yourself and you don’t realize your own worth, you will pass on any opportunity to let others care for you, and you will remain stuck with the insecurity issues that weigh you down. The insecure passenger does not trust anyone else to drive. They feel out of control. They imagine that the driver is not paying attention. Or they may even fantasize that the slight jolting of the driver stepping on the breaks is a sign of doom via an impending collision. They freak themselves out by assuming that the visions they have invented in their mind represents reality. What you need to realize is that there are normal idiosyncrasies to any relationship. There are ups and downs and mood changes, moments of affection and closeness and moments of friction. These ups and downs are normal. Wanting to be absolutely close and intimate all the time is like wanting to be a passenger in a car that has no driver. Next time you feel insecure, and you catch yourself stressing about problems that don’t exist, stop yourself and take a deep breath. Then tell yourself, “This problem I’m concerned with only exists in my mind.” Being able to distinguish between what you imagine and what is actually happening in your life is an important step towards self-confidence. http://lap.lazada.com/banner/dynamic.php?banner_id=56ec119d51bce&theme=2&p=6 Stop focusing on the negatives. There’s no such thing as a perfect relationship. Even if it seems perfect now, it won’t always be. Imperfection, however, is real and beautiful. The quality of the happiness between two people grows in direct proportion to their acceptance, and in inverse proportion to their intolerance and expectations. It’s how two people accept and deal with the imperfections of their relationship that make it ideal. Of course, this doesn’t mean that you have to accept everyone into your life who is willing to accept you, even if they are obviously not right for you. But it does mean that if there are occasional difficulties in your relationships, you don’t have to jump to the bold conclusion that the entire relationship is bad, and become so distressed that the relationship ends, or so insecure that the other person questions your intentions. No meaningful relationship will always work flawlessly all the time. Being too black and white about the quality and health of a relationship spells trouble. There will always be difficulties present, but you can still focus on the good. Insecure people constantly look for signs of what’s not working in their relationships. What you need to do is look for signs of what is. Having an appreciation for how remarkable the people in your life are leads to good places – productive, fulfilling, peaceful places. So notice their strong qualities, cheer for their victories, and encourage their goals and ambitions. Challenge them to be the best they can be. Every day, acknowledge just how amazing they are. The floor is yours… What relationship issues do you struggle with? When it comes to your relationships, what makes you feel insecure? Please leave a comment below and share your thoughts.

Many of us come from humble beginnings. We make something of ourselves through pursuit of knowledge, integrity, hard work, and a bit of good fortune. Yes, people have every right to be proud of the success that they’ve earned. But that doesn’t give them the right to be rude or disrespectful to others. Some people get a big thrill from boasting about their accomplishments or showing off their possessions. They’ve convinced themselves that they’re better than others are. The fact is, some folks let success go to their head, and they gain a weird satisfaction from pushing people around. That’s wrong. On the other hand, just as it’s disgusting for the “haves” to look down on others, it’s equally disdainful for “have-nots” to resent those who’ve worked hard and have rightfully earned their success. The truth is, all the money in the world doesn’t make you a better person. It simply means that you have more money. Real wealth is achieved by appreciating what you already have in life. After all, money can’t buy everything. It can’t buy a close-knit family, good friends, a clear conscience, work-life balance, a happy home, a second chance in life, or good karma, among other things. So, don’t let success go to your head. Be humble. Humility is a sign of strength, not weakness. People with humility possess an inner peace. They’re modest about their achievements, grounded in their values, and they have nothing to prove to others. They’re down to earth, comfortable in their own skin, and quietly proud. Humble people shift their focus from taking to giving, from talking about themselves to listening to others, from hoarding the credit to deflecting the praise, and from being a “know-it-all” to knowing there’s so much more in life worth learning. There’s no ego, no pretense, and certainly no gamesmanship. Humble people are authentic. As C.S. Lewis said, “Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it’s thinking of yourself less.”

While there are many interesting angles to being married or being committed to someone you cannot negate the benefits of being single. While many people may just want to be a part of a conventional process of being with someone, you don’t have to be like everyone else. Guess what? You can still be incredibly happy while you are single. Go figure. Some people may not understand your position. They don’t understand why being single rocks. Here are 15 reminders of why you are still single. We don’t have the limitations of commitment. We are free to pursue our dreams or goals… and mingle. We do not let go of our identity easily. We would rather find freedom in who we are. We are not ready to settle for less Being single means you are not ready to compromise quality for demand. You simply want to be the person you want to be and get the best of what you deserve. According to a study, when you get married you suddenly are stuck to providing your partner all your attention. So much so that you may lose your association with other friends. When you are single, you bond better with your friends. We have less money worries Every relationship comes with an investment. I mean, you have to financially invest in a relationship. Understandably, you are not having a dual income, but consider all that money you spend on anniversary getaways, dinner dates, buying gifts, and more. Money is always pivotal to the success of any relationship and sometimes the cause of worries between couples. However, as a single person you don’t worry about that. We are more sociable People are attracted to single people and want to socialize with them more. We can invest in ourselves and careers We have the time and energy to focus on our careers rather than getting distracted by marital responsibilities. We sleep better According to research, when you sleep alone you get more sleep, which results in improved cognitive skills and memory. We are not accountable to anyone but ourselves Our finances and whereabouts do not have to be monitored by someone else. We are only accountable to ourselves. We are physically fit Getting married tends to push you to become less conscious about your physique. People who are single are physically fit and are more conscious about their physical appearance. We have no emotional dramas Every relationship comes with a level of compromise. To keep your relationship intact you have to ignore your wishes sometimes and fulfill your partner’s own. We have the time to think about what we want out of life You are not distorted or unclear when you are single. When you are single, you have enough time to think about those things you really want and make smart decisions out of them. You have a better sex life Being in a relationship doesn’t always assure you intimacy. According to statistics, single people actually have a better time in the bedroom – even when intimacy happens about half as frequently. You are less likely to drink when you are solo than when you are married. According to a study, married women consumed more drinks than long-term divorced or recently widowed women. We can play the field You don’t have any reason to feel guilty on a night out, or when you are trying to get yourself a new date. You can explore new and interesting relationships whenever you feel like it. We have more time to do us All that time talking and texting on the phone with a spouse can be used to accomplish other important pursuits instead, like investing that time on yourself.

If someone you love is having a tough time right now, there are some things that you can remind them of which will help them trough their difficulties. Whatever you say to someone who is struggling, the most important thing is to ensure your tone of voice and demeanor is appropriate. Remind your loved one of the following things in a warm, encouraging way, and not in a “pull your socks up” way. Your approach will make all the difference to the response you get. 1. It’s OK Not to Be OK When people are struggling, they often make themselves feel worse by placing unrealistic expectations on themselves. They beat themselves up for having a problem and feeling unable to cope with it. Remind your loved one that they are no less of a person just because they are facing something challenging right now. You love them and will support them in good times and bad. 2. You’re Not Alone Identifying with the person who is struggling can help them feel better. They realize, then, that they are not bearing the weight of the world alone. Remind them that others have had this problem, and that they already have found a way through it. Just knowing that they are not alone can help them feel less lonely and more hopeful. Encourage your loved one to join a support group or forum if appropriate. 3. Let Go of Blame Sometimes when people are struggling, they either want to blame themselves or other people for their circumstances. It’s OK to initially express anger and frustration, but wallowing in feelings of unfairness or blame will make them feel worse and wastes their energy. Help your loved one to see that the way out their difficulties is in looking for solutions and not in assigning blame or hanging onto angry feelings. 4. Struggles Make You Stronger Wisdom, strength and resilience can all be built from the foundations of tough times. Help your loved one to see how they’re growing as a person, even if they feel like they’re going through hell. It’s so important not to be glib  or patronizing when you’re saying this ‒ actually tell your loved one the new strengths you see in them. 5. Take a Step Back People going through tough times often lose perspective, because they feel so mired in the problem itself. Reminding someone to step back from the situation can help them to see things in a fresh light, and will help them find new solutions. 6. Nothing Lasts Forever The terrible thing about really tough times is that they feel like they will go on forever. But, in reality, nothing lasts forever ‒ not even the most horrible emotions or the direst circumstances. Reminding your loved one of this can help them gain perspective and feel comforted at the same time. 7. Take Things Step By Step Tough times can often bring complex and confusing feelings, and those who are struggling may feel paralyzed and unable to make decisions. Remind them that they don’t have to solve the whole problem at once. If they just do the next right thing, they will start to make progress. 8. Look For The Open Door When life shuts one door, another one will always open. Losing something will always lead to new opportunities, but only if you are open to them. Remind your loved one to stay alert to fresh opportunities and solutions. 9. Just Do Your Best People who are struggling can put so much pressure on themselves to get things right that they feel even more upset when they don’t meet their own unrealistic expectations. Remind them that as long as they just do their best, that’s all that matters. They are human, after all. Their best is good enough. 10. You’ve Come Through Tough Times Before If someone you love is having a hard time, it may be difficult for them to see their strengths. Reminding them that they have already survived tough times before can show them that there is an end in sight, and that they have the strength to reach it. 11. You’re Brave Most people who are struggling refuse to acknowledge how strong and brave they actually are. They may see themselves as weak and scared. Remind them that courage is not the absence of fear. It’s the willingness to go on even when you’re afraid. 12. There Is Something Good in Each Day Going through difficulties can lead to a negative mindset. If someone is really going through a desperately hard time, and dealing with something like depression, being all happy-clappy with them won’t work. But do ask them about the good things in their life, what has gone well, and what they have achieved. It will help them to see a glimmer of hope, even in the darkness. 13. Look at What You’re Gaining Even when someone has a difficult problem, there will always be an upside to it. Whether it’s finding out who their true friends are when they’re struggling, or having the opportunity to develop patience, strength and problem-solving abilities, there will always be a silver lining. Help your loved one to find it. 14. It’s Not Your Fault Sometimes when people are struggling, they take their problems very personally, almost believing that their difficulties are sent in some way to punish them. If your loved one is doing this, reminding them that it’s not their fault can help them feel relieved. 15. Well Done Validating someone for their efforts when they’re having a miserable time can make a big difference in their day. If someone is struggling, they may not acknowledge their own hard work. Giving them praise can help them feel rewarded and appreciated.. 16. Focus on Now Often people make their tough times even tougher by worrying about the future or fretting about the past. They may add to their misery by letting themselves think back to all the times life has treated them badly or that they’ve failed before; or they may fear that their current difficulty will lead to yet more problems. Remind them to focus on now, because that’s the only part of the story they can change at the moment. 17. Nothing Is Ever the End of the World Very few problems, however big or small, can actually stop you from breathing. You can encourage your loved one by reminding them that everything is survivable and beatable. They will find a way of dealing with this issue, however tough, if only they keep trying. 18. Be Kind To Yourself When someone is going through a hard time, they may feel so frustrated by their problems that they resort to beating themselves up or not allowing themselves a minute of reprieve from the issue. Remind your loved one that tough times are easier when we’re kind to ourselves. They are allowed “time off” from their problem to have a laugh, treat themselves, and be around good people. Relieving stress can actually help them to come back to the problem refreshed and recharged. 19. People Want to Help If your loved one is suffering, they may believe that they have to go through it all by themselves. They may not want to burden others with their problems, and won’t want to ask for help. Remind them that most people are amenable to helping; in fact, helping feels good. The reason people have different strengths is precisely so that they can help each other. Encourage your loved one to seek extra help should they need it. 20. I’m There For You The strength of these words can not be underestimated. Letting your loved one know that you’re there for them, and that you will listen to their feelings, dry their tears, or even just be around, can mean everything to someone going through hell. Just being a non-judgmental, caring presence in your loved one’s life can make a massive difference in how they feel and how they cope. Like this article ? Share it with your friends. 

Ipinanganak tayong hindi pare-pareho. Sa kulay, itsura, talento, talino at pag-uugali. Hindi rin pantay-pantay ang ating pamumuhay. May mayaman, mayroon din mahirap. May mga taong kilala, mayroon din naman hindi. Masuwerte ka kung ipinanganak kang mayaman. Pero kung ikaw ay pinanganak na mahirap, huwag mong sabihin na malas ka. Kasi gaganda naman ang buhay ng kahit na sino basta magsumikap ka lang. Sa paligid mo ngayon marami kang makikita na hindi maganda. At kabilang na diyan ang pag-uugali ng tao. May mabait, mayroon ding nagbabait-baitan lang. Mayroong akala mo totoo, pero kapag nakaharap ka lang. Kunwari dadamayan ka, pero pag nadapa ka na, iiwanan ka na lang basta. May mga tao talaga na walang ibang magawa kundi pagmasdan ang iyong mga ginagawa. Sundan ka kung saan ka pupunta. Lalo na pag kilala at sikat ka. Akala mo tagahanga mo sila. Pero hindi, kasi kaya ka lang nila sinusundan at pinagmamasdan dahil humahanap sila ng butas at pagkakataon para gawin kang masama. Hindi porke’t mas maganda na ang buhay mo kaysa sa kanya, dahilan na para siraan ka niya. Dito sa mundo, maraming pakialamero at pakialamera. Mga hindi kuntento sa sariling buhay nila. Papasukin pa ang buhay ng iba. Okay sana kung maganda ang pakay nila, pero hindi dahil sisiraan ka. Akala mo totoo siya, kapag nakatalikod ka may sinasabi palang masama. Akala mo, kaibigan mo, maaasahan at mapagkakatiwalaan. Pero kapag wala ka, siya ang bida at inaapak-apakan ka niya nang hindi mo nalalaman. May mga tao na walang alam tignan kundi kung ano ang mayroon ka na wala sila. Kung sino at ano ka, kung nasaan ka na. Magaling magkumpara at magaling magkuwenta. At kapag nakita niya na gumaganda ang buhay mo, sumisikat o kahit ano pa, hihilain ka naman niya pababa. Ayaw niyang maging masaya ka. Ayaw niyang umaangat ka kaya abala siya sa paninira. Bakit kaya ganun ang mga ugali ng inggitero at inggitera? Imbes na magsumikap sila para maabot at marating kung anong mayroon ka, mas gusto nilang siraan ka. Ano bang napapala nila sa paninira? Wala diba? Nagsasayang lang sila ng panahon sa mga bagay na wala namang kuwenta. Kung ginugol na lang sana nila ang mga oras ng paninira nila sa ‘yo sa mas makabuluhang gawain, mas mabuti pa. Lumalala, sumasama. Hindi na maganda para sa mga batang lumalaki at sa mga isisilang pa. Ang ugaling ito ay hindi magandang tularan nila. Kaya habang maaga pa dapat mag-isip-isip ka na. Kung mayroong dapat baguhin sa iyong sarili, baguhin mo na.